More pictures and info here. 

One of my childhood friends got sent a birthday present from Katy Perry. 

*crawls into bed to have a jealous sob*

Okay, so when Katy Perry came on stage suddenly the crowd was calmed as if by magic and I had space to breathe and move and take photos. I was incredibly relieved because as much as I can hack a rowdy crowd, I’d been feeling sick all day and wasn’t sure how much longer my insides could take it. 

Now, I need to put a little bit of context into this before I begin to gush. I may love Katy Perry, but that’s just because I think that she’s insanely hot and would go gay for her. My dream sex tape is her and Russell Brand, so it helps that strangely enough they got married. And I do enjoy her music, but I didn’t expect her live performance to be any good. In fact I expected her to be kinda awful aurally. But oh my god how I was wrong. 

The California Dreams tour is not just a concert, it is a total sensual experience hitting at every nerve. When you walk into the venue it smells of candy floss, candy floss permeates through everything so that even today my wallet smells of candy floss. 

The stage’s preset was a pink rouched curtain, it reflected light in beautiful ways and before we knew it Zowie was on stage. That was an awesome thing about this show, the waiting time for and between performers was astoundingly short. 

I’ve seen Zowie in a few incarnations. I first saw her in the female punkesque duo, The Bengal Lights. At that point I thought that they were pretty fascinating and cool but all I really knew is that a guy I knew wanted to have sex with her. The next phase of Zoe was Bionic Pixie. Now Bionic Pixie I L O V E D and even started making dresses roughly based on some of her costumes. She was rad and playful and all sorts of exciting. And so now, as Zowie I have to admit, I haven’t really kept up, but my god she blew me away. Incredibly energetic and chatty and cute as ever Zowie set off the night to a bright mood. 

Following Zowie, DJ Skeet Skeet quickly took over the stage and got it writhing like some dirty club frequented by underagers. Definitely top 40, but the spin he put on things was brilliant, throwing in some disco and making me wonder why on earth I never dance at clubs anymore. Rounding his set off with some new tracks off his mixtape he hurried it along telling us frequently, I’ll be quick so you guys can see Katy!!!!

Finally, after a nine hour wait Katy’s set began. What I didn’t expect at all was for it to be partially cinematic. Which makes sense, it’s Katy Perry. It’s about the total experience as much as the music. In any case the California Dreams show begins with a black and white short up on the screens. Katy is in a sad and boring world, the only highlight being the Baker Boy. Kitty Purry goes missing and she soon finds herself in candy land. Katy emerging from the centre of the set. The opening track was Teenage Dream and as pathetic as it is, I actually began to tear up. (I put it down to the strained emotions of the experiences of the night prior to this point, ill health and general weak emotional status) 

Following Teenage Dream came Hummingbird Heartbeat, and then a quick costume change, some dramatic dark blue lights and the appearance of some mimes and Katy was coming across her first challenge. The mimes had with them some ‘Brownie’ which Katy ate and soon felt quite odd. It’s a fun experience that one, and as makes sense Waking Up In Vegas soon followed. 

The next costume change came with Peacock, where Katy shed her dress for a leotard and peacock feathers. I could not get over the colours of the show at this point. From gorgeous pinks to deep turquoises and purples. It was magnificent. 

The next change was to something a little sleeker, a little sexy. (Although with Katy, what isn’t?) Donning a long green evening gown Katy called the audience to take off the tops and then invited a now topless, (and probably the sort of man who would offend Anna Faris) bloke up on stage. After having a little bit of chat and a kiss on the cheek he asked for some favours to which she replied, I give no favours, you’re on my stage sweetheart. After banishing him, she took over once more giving an old blues feel to the start of I Kissed A Girl. 

However it was during this that I started to feel the effects of a long day and all the pushing and decided that at some point I would need to decide to stay near the front or go and get a drink and move back a little. I stayed around til the end of the song and another costume change (this time a cat suit) and when I heard Circle The Drain begin decided that if any time I should move, this would be it. 

A quick water and bathroom break and I was back for E.T. E.T reminded me a bit of the one time I went Yellow Brick Road, one of the big old raves that everyone used to go to when I was 13/14. Not in a bad way though. It was the laser lights, incredible laser lights that just pierce through the air that did it. Who Am I Living For quickly followed with Katy pulled around by ropes and then came one of my favourite parts of the show. A turn towards the romantic with Pearl and Not Like The Movies. 

For Pearl, Katy wore a big silver kaftan while in the sky, dancers twirled with streams of fabric billowing around them. A pink sky and floating clouds on the speakers and it was quite a picture. Not Like The Movies saw Katy up on a swing wearing a weddingesque dress up in front of giant white curtains upon which looney tune style love scenes played behind her. Katy gave a similar performance at the Grammy’s but instead of the cartoons her own wedding photos played. I did kinda hope for the wedding photos…

Following this came a bit of an audience attention interlude. The curtains closed and Katy sat in front with her guitar and a couple of associate guitarists playing a guess the song for a kiss game and generally bantering with the audience about being in New Zealanders and how it must be to live in New Zealand, how it must be to live so far away. It was this part of the show which made me truly appreciate her voice as she sang acoustically, Only Girl In The World by Rihanna, Big Pimpin’ by Jay Z, Friday by Rebecca Black and Whip My Hair by Willow. At the conclusion of this section (which lasted a good half hour) she sang Thinking Of You. This happening while the curtain slowly rose once more. 

Katy quickly disappeared and her back up singers took over singing I Love Candy, almost an anthem for the second part of the show. An upbeat party song hyping the crowd up for the home run. As this concluded more of the shorts played on screen with Katy finally finding Kitty Purry and finding an invitation to a ball by the Baker Boy. Fittingly, Hot n Cold followed with Katy going through a dozen costumes changes just within the space of the song. It would seem that the Sesame St incident didn’t put her off.

With a ball/ party like atmosphere Last Friday Night followed, surprising me by the lack of crowd knowledge of the song but it was brilliant none the less, the screens on stage showing party shots of audience members and ‘Kitty Brut.’

What really made this section of the show for me was Katy’s cover of I Wanna Dance With Somebody, a song dedicated to all the boyfriends who had been dragged along. It’s such a perfect song for just dancing carelessly to, even if you wouldn’t actually listen to it casually. 

As a conclusion to the main section of the show she declared how much she loved us as an audience (I’m sure that she does this everywhere) and played the song she had written for all us fans, Firework. As it played fireworks began to spray from the ceiling, but also all over the stage creating a truly awe inspiring effect. Soon the song was over, the curtains closing and the crowd getting quiet. 

But California Gurls hadn’t played, after a little bit of quiet the encore chant began to surge through the arena and the curtains opened once more. The stage brighter than ever. Katy in a candy dress and my most hoped for aspect. GLITTER CANNONS.

I have been obsessed with Glitter cannons recently and Katy Perry had them, my god. She had them. 

So how do you close an experience like this? I don’t think you can. I just have to say that as a total stage show. Katy Perry was undeniably the best I have ever seen, and I’ve been to a fair few. Of course if you’re not naturally a fan you’d disagree, and every genre has it’s own great but as far as wowing the pants off me. Hot damn gurrrrrlllll. 

This account of Katy Perry’s California Dreams tour will come in two parts. The crowd, and the incredible show. 

On arrival at Vector Arena at one pm I prepared myself for a long and mind numbing wait until the doors would finally open at seven. Surrounded by girls in the midst of the pre pubescent cross over into the latter years of their high school lives I figured, ‘Hey, the Kanye West crowd looked like this, and they were pretty easy to get to the front in. We’re sweet.’ 

Oh how foolish this assumption was. From about four fifteen pm when the security guards began to put us into the line barriers I began to see a hint of what was to come. Screaming, pushing girls beginning the charge to the front at four? Come on people, the doors don’t open for another three hours. Chill. But by six pm it was pretty apparent that chilling out was not going to happen. 

When the doors finally did open, they were soon quickly shut as the security guards tried to calm the stampeding masses of screaming girls. If this is what Katy Perry is like, count me out of a Justin Bieber concert. But even after getting through the first set of doors we had to wait again at the next set where the pushing just amped itself up. It was relatively okay however as I took the cram as an opportunity to sleep on a strangers back. 

When the doors into the room opened it was carnage. Bodies throwing themselves and getting caught and like everyone was running terrified for their lives. When I finally unravelled myself out of the masses I walk/ran quickly to the front, which actually was by that stage a few lines back. But here the pushing just increased and the security guards began to get into the crowd to try and spread them out, calm things down. 

It all came to a bit of a head when during Zowie (one of the opening acts) this asshole began to really stir things up. In a crowd where the sex ratio is 1:10ish on the girl heavy side, throwing yourself around like you’re in a circle pit yelling let’s have fun people isn’t really the cool thing to do. I can hold my own pretty well in a mosh (it may sound weird for Katy Perry, but the crowd was insane) but this guy was not appreciate how he could not get past me and started ramming into my back. I’m not one to tolerate this, and so began to reciprocate, throwing my entire weight back at this guy who then proceeded to elbow me in sharp direct thrusts in the waist and chest area. So in quick succession there were a few kicks (one very accurately placed) and punches into the waist area to get him the hell away from me and my friends. The scene created by this guy effectively attempting to beat up a group of girls was not appreciated by anyone around us so the whole crowd in our general vicinity attempted to get him pulled out. The crowd was so hectic though that security couldn’t even see us. 

I managed to throw myself and Ivana and Marija further into the crowd to get away from the ass but still the pushing and craziness went on. Soon they gave up and it was just me, being hurled around during DJ Skeet Skeet. 

Never would I have expected to find a Katy Perry crowd the most violent I have ever experienced. Screaming girls huh?

I really dislike the word feminist. Please don’t jump on the pro feminist hate band wagon at me, because by no means am I saying that I’m anti female rights etc. and I know full well that I am only really talking about one type of feminism. I’m just anti the separatism it suggests. My personal idea of things is that men and women are created differently and that’s what makes them wonderful. As much as I hate it, I love the fact that men can’t have periods because if everyone had them then I wouldn’t have any excuse for how psychotic I become in the days leading up to mine. I also quite appreciate the fact that men are naturally built to do heavy lifting. If I wanted to I could do heavy lifting, but for the most part it’s a task I’d much rather delegate to those who are naturally better built for the job. I think the bit that irritates me the most are feminists who think that embracing their femininity undermines female integrity. I wear makeup, I dehair myself, I take a fair amount of concern in my appearance. But that’s not just for men, it’s for myself and it’s for other women far more than it is for men. But really I think that how one presents themselves shouldn’t be for anyone other than themselves, and if you only dress in a certain way for other people but dislike having to do so, maybe that’s something to take up with your own decisions for yourself. 

(p.s. if you dislike doing any of those girly things, that’s your own prerogative. I just don’t think it should be an aspect of feminism.) 

Really the argument should just be about humanism, and allowing people to do whatever they believe they are capable of, as opposed to what their sex defines them as. And really, we’re different genders for a reason. Besides all the obviously wacked out stuff to do with jobs etc I don’t see the point in making a point just for the sake of making a point. 

[Katy Perry, apparently disgracing females everywhere for allowing herself to be used as a deity for males to masturbate over]

Katy Perry just has really nice breasts.